I get Ruth Soukup‘s weekly emails, and this week she shared about a game she plays with her family, which involves them all sharing a high, a low and something interesting from their day. It was good to hear a different way of taking time to soak in the gift that each day is, so I thought I’d give it a go for my weekend blog post.
This weekend, my real low point was realising that again I’m not pregnant, despite having thought that I might have been. Some months I feel the disappointment more than others, and this month it really hit me, leaving me fragile and emotional. The whole process of trying for a baby and facing disappointment over the years has taught me a lot, but this weekend what I’ve learnt is that sometimes, it’s OK to just pour out your heart in tears and half-formed prayers. I’ve learnt that those tears and half-formed prayers have a preciousness of their own, because they are a symbol of intimacy and a means of letting God love and care for me in my brokenness.
My high point was my Sunday afternoon. After an emotional Friday and Saturday, I had a friend pray for me at church. What is great about being in a church is that often, people realise that you’re struggling and offer to pray, without your having to have said anything. That’s what my friend did this morning. I believe it was God’s Spirit prompting her. At first I couldn’t really explain to her what was on my mind, so she just started to pray anyway. She prayed thanks that God loves me and notices me, which spoke straight into my disappointed heart, and then she prayed that I would know intimacy with him. I always find it embarrassing and hard getting emotional, so I rushed away from church, without really talking to anyone, but her words had sown seeds for the rest of my day. It wasn’t that I went home and prayed long, wordy prayers or pored over my Bible, but I was consciously and quietly letting God take care of me. We walked in the woods, where the sunlight and birdsong did my heart good, and then we drank tea with Andrew’s parents and Andrew’s mum and I reminisced about holidays we’d been on. Later, I picked up some eggs from a local farm and made a cake. My mum and one of my best friends called me. Andrew’s mum had cooked us dinners to heat up, and since then I’ve been chilling out on the sofa. It was an afternoon of savouring the good things and being so aware of God’s care, letting him nourish me, body and soul, with rest and good food, fresh air and solidarity.
My ‘interesting’ was talking to my friend about her love of travel and the complex reasons we are drawn to set off to other places. It got me thinking about planning a holiday!
In her email, Ruth Soukup shared this quote from Henry David Thoreau: “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” She continued, in her own words, “Don’t let the moments pass you by without taking the time to savor them. There is no other life than this.”
This week, I want to savour the highs, the lows and the interesting. I want to launch myself into the opportunities my situation presents. More than that, though, I want to seek God in each moment.